Mental Health

What is Commitment Phobia and How to Overcome It?

Written by Medhaavi Mishra

Commitment phobia is all over the world; a large number of people want to start a relationship but they fear of making a commitment, not that they do not want commitment in a relationship but their experiences pull them back.

The phobia can be due to an earlier trauma like an abusive relationship, failed previous marriage etc. Once you have been cheated on a relationship, it becomes hard to trust someone. 

When someone you love betrays you, the healing process is very slow. It takes a very long time. You stop seeing the world as kind.

Even if you start fancying someone, your mind floods with several doubts and eventually, you give up. Some people start belittling themselves and get into desperation.

Abusive relationship and betrayals do not always account for commitment problems. Some people have a fear of it as they are morally weak. 

Commitment phobia is fear of any kind of commitment made to other people. It keeps you from making decisions whether it involves a romantic partner or a business partner.  

Here is what accounts for commitment phobia

Many people struggle to step into a relationship because they get cheated or they have influenced from experience of others, for instance, failed marriage of parents.  

Other common causes of commitment phobia may include:

  • An abrupt end of a relationship
  • Fear of being in a wrong relationship
  • Fear of infidelity
  • Doubts that you are not the right person or your partner
  • Trust issues for one or the other reason
  • Childhood trauma
  • The struggle faced due to unsuccessful marriage of parents

Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment

Well, whatever the cause of your commitment phobia, you should try to get rid of it. 

1. Know the root of your fear

Each person has a different reason for commitment phobia. It could be upbringing in poor financial conditions, unfulfilled desires and so forth.

You must know the real cause of your fear to live a stable life. If you delve into it, most time you will find that there is no valid cause of it.

You have foreboding and nothing else. before you can help yourself, it is paramount that you come to grips with the root.

2. Conquer your fear

Face the fact that bad experiences are a part of life. If you have gone through an ordeal, it does not mean that your life has come to an end. Give another opportunity to your life; perhaps everything will get back on the track.

If your parents’ marriage has been unsuccessful, it does not mean that you will also face the same trauma. If your first relationship has been abusive, it does not mean that you cannot get a nice partner next time.

You need to make you understand that history does not repeat over and over. Everyone faces failure at one point in life. You are not alone. Learn from your circumstances and never repeat those mistakes. 

3. Do not let others’ experience influence you

No matter whether it is a romantic relationship or business relationship, many people hesitate to pursue because they have seen others fail.

Here is a real case of Joe who wanted to start a business project with his business partner. They needed to take out business loans from direct lenders like British Lenders to get it off the ground.

Both of them had to bear an equal share of the liability. Joe was reluctant to allow for it even though he had never faced any problem in his partnership business. The main reason for his dilemma was external factors.

His uncle also had a partnership firm and he and his partner also took out a business loan, but the partner swindled him by investing the entire money in his personal project.

Since he was influenced by the experience of his uncle, he was not able to trust his business partner. It is good that you learn a lesson from the bad experiences of others, but you do not need to live in them. 

4. Take a break

Starting a new relationship just after your breakup can be daunting especially if your desire was to sustain it. Being upset is natural, but do not live in those moments.

Life means to learn from your experiences and then move on. You need some time to heal from what you have gone through recently.

Therefore, give some time to yourself before starting a new relationship. Spend time with your friends to come out of trauma.

Enjoy your life; go wherever you want to go, eat whatever you want to eat. Put yourself in a good company. Try to be surrounded by people who are positive, jovial and motivated.

5. Find like-minded people

Commitment is a must to sustain a long-term relationship whether it is personal or business.

Having a relationship with someone who shares your value will help you be on the track for a very long time. People ignore the importance of common values, but they, in fact, go a long way. 


You can overcome commitment phobia if you do not live in your bad experiences.

Try to learn a lesson and move on. Just think that it is a part of life and you will never repeat mistakes that accounted for the pain. 

About the author

Medhaavi Mishra